some resplendently nutty offerings from socialite Fabiola Beracasa
Whenever we see a celeb wearing giant sleeves, I often wonder what they’ve got up them; in Carrie’s case, it was a high Fug Madness seeding that was secreted up this billowing white arm-bugle:
At the time, I wondered whether Carrie was keeping Sleeve on a leash, or vice-versa. Almost a year later, I still have no answers. Only questions. And confusion. My brow is like, “SLOW DOWN, Underwood, you could grate cheese on my furrows.”
And yet, Carrie’s Bring Your Arm To Work Day matchy-matchy white nonsense is being met bravely by some resplendently nutty offerings from socialite Fabiola Beracasa:
[Photo: Splash News]
[Photo: Splash News]
[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]
[Photo: Splash News]
[Photo: Splash News]
At the time, I wondered whether Carrie was keeping Sleeve on a leash, or vice-versa. Almost a year later, I still have no answers. Only questions. And confusion. My brow is like, “SLOW DOWN, Underwood, you could grate cheese on my furrows.”
And yet, Carrie’s Bring Your Arm To Work Day matchy-matchy white nonsense is being met bravely by some resplendently nutty offerings from socialite Fabiola Beracasa:
I MEAN REALLY. If they made a new Dallas but based on matadors and their families, Fabiola already owns the Sue Ellen costume.
Maybe Carrie could play Lucy Ewing. She’s wee, she’s blonde…
… and she could piss off the family by announcing her intention to reject the matador way and become the first human to go into space while WEARING the actual rocket.
Which of course would send Fabiola’s character into a cave of grief.
And that’s when the drinking would start, and as we all know, excessive consumption of alcohol invariably leads to raining unraveled garters from one’s crotch and forgetting to shave past the ankle bone. Seriously, forget boring Tinsley Mortimer — give THIS woman a reality show.
2) KATY PERRY vs. (15) RUMER WILLIS
In about a year, I went from not being particularly amused or impressed by Rumer Willis, to hoping the kid pulls through in her acting career. She’s fairly natural on 90210, and she’s growing into her style a little bit.
“A little” being the operative words, because although since last year’s Fug Madness Rumer has learned to wear strapless tops that don’t fall down, she’s still had her share of awkward moments.
I don’t know what board game that dress used to be, but I think it involved serpents, and I’m afraid it ends with the loser having to drink green beer out of Spencer Pratt’s clavicle.
And of course, nothing is so charming as dressing like you are the chambermaid and part-time sex slave of a very rich tobacco executive.
Katy Perry also struggles with her taste in prints. Like, I can’t even talk about this. And then there’s THIS:
I don’t know why, but I think this is what cats see when they dream.
As for this…
… hell, I’m surprised Rumer Willis didn’t wear it, too.
(3) DREW BARRYMORE vs. (14) PAMELA ANDERSON
In some ways, Whip It! might be the worst thing ever to happen to Drew Barrymore. Because for one thing, it was not good. At all. It may have been awful. It took a very interesting universe and made it kind of boring and predictable and tiresome. Which might not be Drew’s fault — she didn’t write it, after all. But it also inspired her to do this while promoting it:
NO. Your hair should not look like you used it to polish your shoes.
And your spandex tube top and leggings should not… well, you know what? It stops there. Your spandex tube top and leggings should not. Period.
And then there’s Pammy. You might argue that nudity and loopyness are Pam’s trade, and that’s probably 95 percent true.
But I didn’t realize turning one of her breasts into a sad little mammal was part of the deal.
Nor did I realize it all involved employing young children to carry your train, the better to show off how much of your crotch and buttock the dress reveals. I can’t tell if that child is frightened, amused, or mentally composing a letter to Child Protective Services.
(7) JULIETTE LEWIS vs. (10) NICOLE KIDMAN
This is a tough woman to face in any round, much less the first one.
[Photo: WENN.com]
But Nicole Kidman is going to try her damndest, first by wearing a black sheath that makes it look like her torso is imploding:
And next by picking a gown that creates the illusion that her breasts are about to give two weeks’ notice:
But then again, THIS ensemble of Juliette’s gives off the illusion that she is being smothered by Satan’s tailor.
[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]
So I guess with both of these women, the air we are breathing in their Crazy Trains is thick with hallucinogens. Or maybe these are all true interpretations of what we see in the picture, in which case Us Weekly is going to enjoy the hell out of THAT gossip cycle.
