Insanely difficult, it was, to
Favor any entries above all.
Really, Fug Nation, you’re too
Excellent, erudite, and elegant for your own good.
At long last, we
Kinged five poems
In a long afternoon of reading and laughing at your
Nifty submissions, sharp and savage as a
Guillotine but without the messy cleanup.
Lewis, Juliette,
O mistress of nutballs,
Verily you bring us glee with your
Eccentric, eclectic
Yards of suffocating, swaddling fabric.
Obviously, we can’t thank our
Unusually hilarious readers enough for making us
Giggle with their take on Juliette hiding
Under her curtain the color of shame.  We hope
You enjoy the finalists we chose, but you should go read them all, because
Such genius and wit from everyone deserves a moment in the sun.

THE PICTURE:

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

THE FINALISTS: After the jump.


I’ve never seen a purple cow
Nor purple sheep nor monkey
Though purple leggings, those I vow,
Entrance this Lewis donkey.
No stylist having both her eyes
Should dress this girl so badly
Each item of her wardrobe vies,
Like fighters battling madly,
Your mind and taste to overturn
By shocking you or mayhap
Implying you might care to learn,
Zoolander-like, that this crap
Achieves the heights of avant-garde
Rebellious and free-thinking
“Repellent” is it’s calling card,
“Egregious,” “Nasty,” “Stinking.”

Those are the words that one should use
About this damned odd clothing.
So dumpy, fugly and abstruse
There’s nothing else but loathing.
Except continuous abuse….
1) “Intensely Bizarre Taste,” By Fugractious
2) “Taffeta Drape,” By EllenO’B
Typically, celebrity singers
Are criticized in performance
For lip synching,
For being intoxicated and/or for
Exposing themselves, aka
The dreaded wardrobe malfunction.
Actress Juliette Lewis, however,
Does not condemn those guilty of the above.
Rather she presents
A “fashionable” solution to
Prevent the public discovery of all three
Embarrassments.
3) “Beam Me Up, Fuggy,” by Wali
Bridal wear for
Extraterrestrials is
Amazingly hard to find.
Matrimonial dress
Must include protective
Exoskeletal kneepads, and
Unless you have no virtue to speak of,
Purple and black are the colors of choice.
Flying in hyperspace may cause
Unusual rips and tears in your
Garment. Feathers may unexpectedly
Grow from your pores. As such, always cover
Your face with fabric reminiscent of entrails.

4) “Bride of Madness,” by Leah
Baby, I’m the intergalactic matador
Regular clothes are such a bore
In my sparkly shredded tutu, I’m a maniac on the floor
Dressed by Little Edie Beale in the Grey Gardens in my soul
Everything about me is totally hardcore
Oh some blame the drugs I did — they think it took a toll
For they don’t understand I just have terra incognita to explore
Man, I had to pluck the bird of madness for this shirt that I adore
And haven’t found feathers this divine since I went mining peacock ore
Didn’t mean to rip my sleeve when I jumped out of the stage door
Need to find a sequined patch at my favorite haberdashery store
Endless uses for knee pads, wish I discovered this heretofore
Should have worn that helmet from the Peloponnesian War
Sometimes I can’t believe all of the awesome I’m responsible for.
5) “Strange Days,” by Dan
So, Juliette
Those drapes you ordered
Really should be used
As drapes.
Now, it seems you think they
Go on your face.
Easy mistake.
Don’t be embarrassed.
Anyone could make that error.
You’re working it.
Sincerely, Lady Gaga