[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]
So, this post was going to have a dialogue — something about Gavin Rossdale showing Gwen a photo of herself that proves wearing a shirt with tails is ridiculous, especially when you pair it with athletic pants, as if your gym towel got stuck in the waistband. And then something about how her shoes look like she went to a foot-binding clinic, and it would all end in a tiny little testy moment in which it’s implied that Gwen is really pissy about the fact that Gavin didn’t just tell her this before they left the house. But you guys, it was NOT FUNNY. Like, at all. It just sat there like a dead fish on a cutting board, waiting for me to gut it, which would never happen because I hate both fish AND guts, so I’d be stuck with nasty rotting seafood stinking up my kitchen while I refused to confront my fear of anything icky. (Tangibly icky, that is — obviously, icky clothes in photographs are fine, mostly because my nostrils remain unmolested by them.) I think channeling Kanye sapped my first-person mojo for the day. Hopefully not forever.
So now I need something to talk about here. How are you? Did that thing you were doing end up okay? What about that trip you took to that place? Can we talk about how constantly cutting to Jennifer Hudson singing “One Shining Moment” during the basketball montage last night completely ruined it, because it made it about her and not about the tournament? Maybe we should discuss how I don’t mind that Lost is totally cracked-out and uneven this season, because I think it should die as it lived. Or how the word “nougat” makes me giggle. Or how Mercy is actually kind of great and it’s probably going to get cancelled, which sucks, because James Van Der Beek is hilarious on it, and so, surprisingly, is Michelle Trachtenberg. Maybe we can discuss how I can’t break my cycle of having a peanut-butter sandwich for lunch almost every day. At least THAT brings us back around to he giant black napkin swinging from Gwen’s buttocks, which makes me feel like all this typing was not for naught. Nougat. Hee.