Okay. I want to be clear. I don’t DISLIKE this cover. For one thing, I love that they put “The Red Lipstick That Anyone Can Wear” right next to Gwen’s head, because…well, you know how she loves her red
lipstick. That seems smart. And to be honest with you, this issue of Elle actually has a lot of articles, it seems, that I legitimately want to read and not just because they sound hilariously inept or out of touch. I DO want to make my long hair shine, okay? Is that so wrong? Also: I am relieved that shopping is back. And the line, “SHOPPING’S BACK!” reminds me fondly of my favorite billboard. See, here in Los Angeles, near Fairfax, about five years ago, there was the best billboard ever. All it said was, in sweeping letters, “SYPHILIS IS BACK!” Like it was a hit musical. I giggled every time I saw it. Not because syphilis is funny. Because I am immature. BUT ANYWAY. My issue with this cover is simply that I can not figure out what Gwen is wearing. The top seems….attached to the bottom. But it must just be tucked in, or (horrors) a bodysuit, right? And then….there are pants? And a little…apron-y thing attached to them? Or….is that? I’m….just trying to puzzle that out. It looks like a very chic handwarmer of the sort used by quarterbacks playing in frigid climates and honestly, if anyone were to adopt that as a fashion statement, it MIGHT be Gwen Stefani. But I can’t imagine that’s what I’m actually….looking at? Is it….? It’s….? Are….? Maybe….? I am perplexed.