There seemed to be a lingerie theme to the launch of Beyonce’s new jewelry line.
First, we had Kim Kardashian in a bustier that looks like a carnal hostage situation. Actually, it’s not awful; it’s just a tad in-your-face, like she’s about to get paid handsomely to scream, “Hello, my name is SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE, DIRTBAG, BECAUSE I AM GOING TO WHIP YOU TO A PULP WITH YOUR GYM SOCKS AND I LIKE TO FLOG MY BITCHES IN SILENCE. But take me to the ballet first.”
And then we have GFY favorite Boobs Legsly, clad in several items I dearly hope are part of Beyonce’s new line:


I really need a new metal happy-face loincloth; mine’s all rusted. … And yet, ah, I kid! That is not Boobs. It’s just a random model. But I had to tease you, it was too perfect. At this point in our relationship, can we not jest? And don’t be cross, Boobs. You know what you are.
See? Even in a fringed nightie, you know. Although I might actually rather like this — the fringe is cleverly done, with a touch of elegance. I just think there’s a surge happening north of the border, and well, those tiny strings aren’t going to be anybody’s salvation in case of emergency. Indeed, I wouldn’t call them straps, so much as tiny strands of optimism.