ASHLEE SIMPSON: SIGH.
KATIE CASSIDY: Right? Another day, another boring Melrose Place junket.
ASHLEE SIMPSON: I KNOW. But I’m glad to see you’re keeping things fun by making a joke out of it.
KATIE: Me? YOU are the one making a joke out of it.
ASHLEE: Uh-uh, babe. I’m not the one dressed as a gymnast at the Olympics closing ceremony dance.
KATIE: I’M not the one who looks like she murdered a
zebra. But hey, as long as you DIDN’T, then PETA won’t come after you
and everything will be fine.

ASHLEE: Oh, shut up. Admit it: I look kind of cute.
KATIE: Yeah, you do, actually. It’s true. And so do I.
ASHLEE. I wouldn’t go THAT far.
KATIE: Huh?
ASHLEE: You also kind of look like you’re auditioning to play Julianne Hough in some Disney Channel movie all about how she first learned the paso doble.
KATIE: That’s rich criticism coming from a girl who is vag-hugging everyone tonight.
ASHLEE: I don’t know what you mean.
KATIE: Don’t you? Well, allow me to illuminate.


KATIE: And these are only three examples! ALL NIGHT you’ve been running around rubbing your crotch up on people and trying to get your knee up in theirs. Who knew your joints were so horny?
ASHLEE: My manager told me it’s totally thigh-flattering to stand like that.
KATIE: Whatever helps you sleep at night. Tell me: It’s because you’re secretly lonely, isn’t it?
ASHLEE: You’re confusing me with my sister.
KATIE: SNAP. Score one for the bleeding zebra.