“Hey guys, what’s up?
“Me? Oh, not much. Just heading out for dinner and drinks with some friends, wearing my old trusty barbed wired veil, hoop skirt, and panties! You know, just another Tuesday! Yeah, it’s hard to drink through this thing, but as long as someone gives me a series of straws with which to create one SUPER straw and can help me thread it through my barbed wire, I’ll be TOTALLY FINE. It can’t be more challenging than what happened to me the other day:


“Have YOU ever tried to wear a blindfold out and about? NOT EASY. I kept running into trees and electrical poles and city workers and falling down. How else do you think my hose got so tore up? Ah, me! See you in the next round! No way Whitney Port can beat me!”

“Hey, guys. I’m Whitney Port,
I can totally beat Lady Gaga. I mean, look at this:”
“That’s a really ugly belly shirt! And then, what about this, huh?
“I’m wearing TAP PANTS as OUTERWEAR. AGAIN! Ridiculous! I mean, sincerely, that is a really terrible outfit. It’s totally hideous! Please vote for — oh, who are we kidding?”