tearful goodbye to Downing Street: Concluding her intimate series on life at No 10, Sarah Brown recalls the drama of leaving without even having time to pack all of her children's toys
At a reception for the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall, conversation between all the leaders is fast and furious.
A dominant theme is the choice of EU President. Tony Blair has asked Gordon to help him as a candidate for this new post and Gordon has been working very hard to gather as much support for it as he can.
There had also been speculation about another job, that of High Representative (the equivalent of a Europe-wide foreign secretary), and Gordon asked David Miliband early on if he wanted to be considered (he did not). Someone told Gordon that Peter Mandelson might be interested in that post, too, but it was clear that he would not get the support so no one took that any further.
Gordon thinks that he could get support for Tony Blair from German chancellor Angela Merkel and the Spanish Prime Minister, José Luis Zapatero, and as Blair already knows Nicolas Sarkozy he could presumably sort out his support, too.
I talk to Joachim Sauer, Angela Merkel’s husband. He points out a group in the corner in a huddle — Merkel, Sarkozy and Italian PM Berlusconi — who are all chatting, he tells me, about who they want to back for EU President.
Then he laughs. The only person they can all agree on, he tells me, is Gordon and they are trying to figure out how to persuade him.
I say that I am pretty sure that Gordon is not a candidate as he has a responsibility not to quit as Prime Minister this close to an election.
Looking back, we have had some of the toughest times together and some of the best. I have no regrets and only one real sadness. I feel ready to face the future, whatever it holds.
The four of us go back to Silver Sands today and we take great delight in telling the boys about the day we decided to get married, long before they were born.
There is something about husbands in the kitchen — or mine at least — where they never quite do anything the way you want it. I spend a great amount of time doing things myself as it seems the quickest, most efficient way to get the meal/clean up/stack the dishwasher.
Today the opposite happens: I actually get everything done for me to perfection, and it is really lovely. So, too, are my flowers, and a sweet Vinnie Day necklace with a circle of gold on a light chain from Astley Clarke.
He has it out straight away to try to download a book. Gordon is a voracious reader and some of our holidays are accompanied by a whole suitcase of books. The Kindle, I hope, is a way to lose a suitcase.
There is something about the world of Westminster that enables personal accusations to spiral out of control, with no reference to the truth. Andrew’s book has an unnamed source who says Gordon has been accused of bullying staff at work, and pushing them out of the way with physical violence.
It is really hurtful and not accurate at all. The alarming thing is thinking about who would want to make these accusations, as Andrew clearly published them in good faith.
What really upsets me is knowing that this is a very deliberate attempt to smear Gordon’s character as we approach an election. It is so personal, so destructive and comes from a place of low morality.
I find Gordon in his office. He seems a bit down, feeling disappointed about what has until now been a good relationship with the Cabinet secretary, Sir Gus O’Donnell.
It was Gus who welcomed us into No 10 on that first day, and whose contribution to Andrew Rawnsley’s book attacking Gordon seems surprising, to say the least.
I clearly remember Stuart telling me when I first met him that he always thought it was inappropriate for public-listed company chairmen or chief executives to act in a political way.
I think that is what hurts me the most: I placed great trust in his comments about being apolitical, so I was prepared to be photographed and seen in quite a high-profile way alongside him, for the British Fashion Council and beyond.
I feel wounded. But I imagine it may be worse for Gordon.
When he comes back, I whizz downstairs to find him. He takes the lift to come and find me, and we have a bit of a goose-chase around the building to meet up.
I finally catch up with him on the way to the Pillared Room, where all the staff is waiting. We catch a minute together to one side — not really to say anything, just to be together at an important moment.
Then we go and join everyone, and Gordon thanks them for their work and their friendship. He tells the story of Fraser saying that when he grew up, he wanted to be ‘a builder, a teacher and a dad’. Then he looked at Gordon and said, ‘but you are just a dad’.
Sir Gus O’Donnell manages to thank Gordon for his service to international development issues, and then cracks an awkward joke about not being able to say he would look forward to welcoming Gordon back (this, from an ‘impartial’ civil servant).
To rescue the situation, Gordon jokily says, ‘Gus, just stop talking’.
With the starter gun fired on the general election, Gordon is asked about my role in the campaign and responds, ‘She is the love of my life and we work well together’. I could just substitute ‘she’ for ‘he’ and have said the same thing myself.
Of course, since the election result, Gordon and I have talked, and we both understand that the most likely scenario will be our departure, the only question being when.
I am neither anxious nor worried — everything now has its own momentum and I will just adapt as we go along.
I change quickly into a teal green Osman dress and put on some make-up. The boys manage a quick goodbye to their bedrooms.
I promise that all their toys and favourite duvet covers will be packed up and they will see them all again soon. We already have a small bag of much-loved action figures out in the car.
Gordon has his final conversation with Nick Clegg. It is time now to let a new Government start work.
The boys and I join Gordon in his office, with his closest team all around. As he thanks everyone from the bottom of his heart, John and Fraser are standing on a desk.
It is a highly charged moment, and when the clapping subsides, I don’t dare speak for fear of my voice cracking or tears falling. Some of the staff are visibly very upset.
Gordon shakes Sir Gus O’Donnell’s hand, thanking him for the many years they have worked together. I think Gus and I understand that I still feel some hurt over recent events and hope to make up another day.
The two boys link hands, and as a family we bid Downing Street goodbye and set off down the road as the black door closes behind us.
Gordon looks quite relaxed but not yet smiling. It is time for him to attend to one last duty: he will meet the Queen, and then return to me as just Gordon Brown, MP for Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath, and my lovely husband.
A dominant theme is the choice of EU President. Tony Blair has asked Gordon to help him as a candidate for this new post and Gordon has been working very hard to gather as much support for it as he can.
There had also been speculation about another job, that of High Representative (the equivalent of a Europe-wide foreign secretary), and Gordon asked David Miliband early on if he wanted to be considered (he did not). Someone told Gordon that Peter Mandelson might be interested in that post, too, but it was clear that he would not get the support so no one took that any further.
Departure: Sarah and Gordon, with their children John, left, and Fraser, leave Downing Street
I talk to Joachim Sauer, Angela Merkel’s husband. He points out a group in the corner in a huddle — Merkel, Sarkozy and Italian PM Berlusconi — who are all chatting, he tells me, about who they want to back for EU President.
Then he laughs. The only person they can all agree on, he tells me, is Gordon and they are trying to figure out how to persuade him.
I say that I am pretty sure that Gordon is not a candidate as he has a responsibility not to quit as Prime Minister this close to an election.
Friday, January 1, 2010
In Scotland for a new year and a new decade. Ten years ago today, Gordon took me for a walk on Silver Sands beach and asked me to marry him. Looking back, we have had some of the toughest times together and some of the best. I have no regrets and only one real sadness. I feel ready to face the future, whatever it holds.
The four of us go back to Silver Sands today and we take great delight in telling the boys about the day we decided to get married, long before they were born.
Beloved Scotland: Sarah and her husband take in the view on the Fife coast
Rebel MPs Geoff Hoon and Patricia Hewitt called for a leadership challenge just months before last year's General Election
Wednesday, January 6
Two former Cabinet Ministers, Geoff Hoon and Patricia Hewitt, have sent a letter to Labour MPs asking for support for a secret ballot to initiate a Leadership election. It is astonishing when colleagues from the same side do something that can only undermine your own team — and goodness knows what the public will think.
Sunday, February 14
Back in Scotland for the weekend, I am rewarded on Valentine’s Day with a lie-in followed by breakfast in bed. I get a plate of grilled bacon, a poached egg and a mug of tea made just as I like it: very hot, not too strong and just a dash of milk — all made by my husband. There is something about husbands in the kitchen — or mine at least — where they never quite do anything the way you want it. I spend a great amount of time doing things myself as it seems the quickest, most efficient way to get the meal/clean up/stack the dishwasher.
Today the opposite happens: I actually get everything done for me to perfection, and it is really lovely. So, too, are my flowers, and a sweet Vinnie Day necklace with a circle of gold on a light chain from Astley Clarke.
Saturday, February 20
It is Gordon’s birthday. He is a notoriously difficult person to buy presents for as he pretty much has everything he wants already. I have struck gold this year as I have got him a Kindle. He has it out straight away to try to download a book. Gordon is a voracious reader and some of our holidays are accompanied by a whole suitcase of books. The Kindle, I hope, is a way to lose a suitcase.
Sunday, February 21
A book about Gordon by the political commentator Andrew Rawnsley has kicked off an almighty row. There is something about the world of Westminster that enables personal accusations to spiral out of control, with no reference to the truth. Andrew’s book has an unnamed source who says Gordon has been accused of bullying staff at work, and pushing them out of the way with physical violence.
It is really hurtful and not accurate at all. The alarming thing is thinking about who would want to make these accusations, as Andrew clearly published them in good faith.
What really upsets me is knowing that this is a very deliberate attempt to smear Gordon’s character as we approach an election. It is so personal, so destructive and comes from a place of low morality.
Meet and greet: Although Sarah Brown kept a low profile during her husband's term in office, she got to meet many dignitaries and celebrities who dropped in on Downing Street, including actor George Clooney
Saturday, February 27
We are having a very mixed time. While I am clear that I will be putting my all into the general election campaign, that is a different feeling to how I think it might turn out. I find Gordon in his office. He seems a bit down, feeling disappointed about what has until now been a good relationship with the Cabinet secretary, Sir Gus O’Donnell.
It was Gus who welcomed us into No 10 on that first day, and whose contribution to Andrew Rawnsley’s book attacking Gordon seems surprising, to say the least.
Thursday, April 1
Gordon calls to ask if I have seen the awful letter in the Telegraph newspaper signed by business leaders saying they would back the Shadow Chancellor’s reversal of the 0.5 per cent National Insurance increase. Stuart Rose, as chairman of Marks & Spencer, has chosen to add his name. I clearly remember Stuart telling me when I first met him that he always thought it was inappropriate for public-listed company chairmen or chief executives to act in a political way.
I think that is what hurts me the most: I placed great trust in his comments about being apolitical, so I was prepared to be photographed and seen in quite a high-profile way alongside him, for the British Fashion Council and beyond.
I feel wounded. But I imagine it may be worse for Gordon.
The love of my life: The Prime Minister kisses his wife after delivering his keynote speech at the Labour conference in Brighton
Friday, April 2
One or two people outside the immediate office appear to be undermining Gordon’s confidence, telling him the general election is all a disaster waiting to happen — but then those in the office fight back, and off we all go again.
Tuesday, April 6
Gordon heads off for an early-morning run, then goes down to his 9am Cabinet meeting. As soon as the meeting is over, he goes to Buckingham Palace to ask permission to dissolve Parliament. When he comes back, I whizz downstairs to find him. He takes the lift to come and find me, and we have a bit of a goose-chase around the building to meet up.
THE PLACE WE CALL HOME...
Our home in Scotland really is the place we love to be. The boys have started at a new school and settled into their new life seemingly effortlessly, though still keep in firm contact with their London friends.
While neither Gordon nor I have made any firm decisions about our future, we both still want to remain involved with some of the campaigns and causes in which we passionately believe.
Looking back I am very unclear about how I managed to do as much as I did, but then lots of mums with small children can say that. I know I was a frenetically busy person during my time at No 10 — and thankfully may never need to be quite so busy again.
While neither Gordon nor I have made any firm decisions about our future, we both still want to remain involved with some of the campaigns and causes in which we passionately believe.
Looking back I am very unclear about how I managed to do as much as I did, but then lots of mums with small children can say that. I know I was a frenetically busy person during my time at No 10 — and thankfully may never need to be quite so busy again.
Then we go and join everyone, and Gordon thanks them for their work and their friendship. He tells the story of Fraser saying that when he grew up, he wanted to be ‘a builder, a teacher and a dad’. Then he looked at Gordon and said, ‘but you are just a dad’.
Sir Gus O’Donnell manages to thank Gordon for his service to international development issues, and then cracks an awkward joke about not being able to say he would look forward to welcoming Gordon back (this, from an ‘impartial’ civil servant).
To rescue the situation, Gordon jokily says, ‘Gus, just stop talking’.
With the starter gun fired on the general election, Gordon is asked about my role in the campaign and responds, ‘She is the love of my life and we work well together’. I could just substitute ‘she’ for ‘he’ and have said the same thing myself.
Thursday, April 15
Much excitement over the televised debates. Having watched the first, it is clear that Gordon is leagues ahead of everyone on matters of substance.
End of the line: Prime Minister Gordon Brown gives a final press conference with his family before leaving Downing Street for the last time
Friday, May 7
[The day after the election.] When Gordon’s result comes through, we discover he has increased his own majority to 23,009, the second biggest in the country. I am hugely proud. Overall, there is a five per cent swing to the Conservatives. It is time for us to return to Downing Street, and to see what the coming days bring.
Saturday, May 8
There are intense discussions being held by the Liberal Democrats, with both the Conservatives and Labour. I stay in the flat and take the decision that we will maintain our normal days, and I keep up my daily routines and clear some of the paperwork on my desk. Of course, since the election result, Gordon and I have talked, and we both understand that the most likely scenario will be our departure, the only question being when.
Monday, May 10
Gordon and I talk more about the scenario for our departure, and agree that we will leave as a family. I have already talked to the boys and, although young — John is now six, and Fraser is nearly four — they are ready to leave if we need to go.I am neither anxious nor worried — everything now has its own momentum and I will just adapt as we go along.
Tuesday, May 11
As the day progresses, Gordon holds numerous conversations on the telephone with Nick Clegg. At one point, he comes upstairs and tells me that we should now get ready to go although nothing is yet final. I change quickly into a teal green Osman dress and put on some make-up. The boys manage a quick goodbye to their bedrooms.
I promise that all their toys and favourite duvet covers will be packed up and they will see them all again soon. We already have a small bag of much-loved action figures out in the car.
Gordon has his final conversation with Nick Clegg. It is time now to let a new Government start work.
The boys and I join Gordon in his office, with his closest team all around. As he thanks everyone from the bottom of his heart, John and Fraser are standing on a desk.
It is a highly charged moment, and when the clapping subsides, I don’t dare speak for fear of my voice cracking or tears falling. Some of the staff are visibly very upset.
Gordon shakes Sir Gus O’Donnell’s hand, thanking him for the many years they have worked together. I think Gus and I understand that I still feel some hurt over recent events and hope to make up another day.
The two boys link hands, and as a family we bid Downing Street goodbye and set off down the road as the black door closes behind us.
Gordon looks quite relaxed but not yet smiling. It is time for him to attend to one last duty: he will meet the Queen, and then return to me as just Gordon Brown, MP for Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath, and my lovely husband.
Abridged from Behind The Black Door by Sarah Brown, published by Ebury on March 3, £18.99. © 2011 Sarah Brown. To order a copy for £16.99 (including p&p), call 0845 155 0720. www.behindtheblackdoor.co.uk
